Posted by: Dennie | September 23, 2013

It’s Okay To Be Proud

I was proud of myself today.

And yesterday.

And the day before that. Saturday. Race Day.

I realized on Sunday evening that self-pride has been a rare and fleeting emotion for me.  I don’t know if I  feared being perceived as egotistical, and wouldn’t allow myself the luxury of a proud moment, or if  I never believed I was good at anything. I’m leaning toward the latter idea.

I don’t consider myself an athlete. I’ve never played sports, and today, have little interest in either playing or watching  any sport. 

But there was a brief period when my son was involved in high school wrestling and I loved going to those matches. It wasn’t just because he was on the team. It was watching the one on one  effort put forth by  those kids .Sometimes I would be moved to tears as they would tough it out on the mat.  The struggle was excruciating at times and I would hold my breath, caught up in the action. It was an each-man-for-himself-effort that was vastly different from any  team sport I’d ever witnessed.

Thinking about it now, any sporting event that does capture my interest is one which entails great individual physical effort. Brutal and bloody as it is, I’ll watch Ultimate Fighting. I’ve been mesmerized by weightlifting competitions. And those shows that feature huge and monstrous men lifting and moving  cars, or carrying  ridiculously huge boulders?? I love those.

The Warrior Dash this weekend  fell into that category. For me, it was a culmination of twelve weeks of hard work, persistence and determination.It was not only physical preparation, but mental as well. And I think that is what intrigued me from the beginning. To work hard. To do my personal best. To set the bar high, and surpass it.

And I did. I wasn’t sure what to expect for the course or the obstacles. I’d seen photos online, but reality can present a totally different picture. I decided that I would be happy if I could complete the event in an hour or less. My husband, great supporter of me that he is, was confident I’d have no trouble meeting that goal. But I haven’t run any lengthy distance in quite some time and three miles was a bit intimidating. Throw in twelve challenging obstacles and I had a recipe for anxiety.

That was where the mental prep came in. I talked to myself the entire time…”take it easy, pace yourself. Breathe. Don”t worry about those people passing you. Just keep going.”

As I stared straight up at the face of an eighteen to twenty foot wall, I took a deep breath. Closed my eyes. Breathed again. “You can do this.”  Terrified of heights as I am, I froze at the top. I somehow had to get my legs and body over and across, and hang down until I felt a cross bar to gain footing.  A man already at that point saw my fear. An angel, he encouraged me, “It’s okay, you can do it!  Just feel with your foot to find the hold.” And I did. And he was gone…

My time: 44:41:35.
I finished 3423 out of 8146 runners and placed 50th out of 256 women in my 50-59 age group.
I set the goal for myself, and I did it. And in my humble opinion, I kicked ass.
I’m proud.

 

 

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Responses

  1. you accomplished your goal,and in my humble opinion you certainly did kick ass and you should be proud or yourself. I am


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